Victory Over Victimhood

It has been a very heavy week. This blog is in no way designed to cause discomfort and/or controversy. It is not designed to trigger anyone. It is not designed to create debate. I am not coming from a malicious heart in any way, there is no judgment, and I am genuinely presenting with love.

This week has been one of renewing of minds and finding forgiveness in our hearts, due to the many challenges in life. The challenges come from the environment we live in, the people that we associate with, and the struggles that we conjure up in our minds. I was challenged by my environment, my peers, and my mind. The challenge is to live, love, laugh, labor, and listen. The 5 L's of Living Life by Dr. Gladys McGarey was sent to me through a wonderful brother from another mother on messenger. The video definitely got me thinking of ways to be a better human, not only towards myself but towards others. 

My first challenge was stepping out of my selfishness to be there for a friend (another brother from another mother). It started innocently enough, as we got together to discuss future podcasting together and the organic bantering that we often do. These are the moments that I want to capture, raw and organic discussions. However, the moment was so incredibly honest that I wondered how comfortable onlookers would be watching something so real, without editing. Many people operate within a façade or mask that they hide behind due to years of unforgiveness, hate, anger, and so on. Left unchecked these traits and conditions of the heart will lead to a life of misery and bitterness, not to mention substance abuse to numb the heartache. I have been guilty of letting personal demons infiltrate my heart which produces bitterness and not tenderness. 

I find that if I just shut my mouth and listen, amazing things happen, and people open up. On this particular day, my listening conjured up memories of something that happened to me as a child. I carried this trauma with me for about 20 years, and I felt was appropriate to share it with my friend. I will give the Cliff Notes version of my story as it is a long story on its own. I came to forgive a possession of childhood trauma in a bar one night. I had met somebody who was part of the trauma that I carried for many years, but on this night I realized something, I was much bigger in stature. The man standing in front of me in the bar was all words and no action. His cockiness was a façade. I stood up to him, and for the first time in my life, I felt powerful as a man, capable of standing up for myself. The 20 years of trauma that I carried was lifted in a matter of seconds. 

My story is very similar to many I have heard over the years, especially when confronting an adult who broke a childhood's innocence and welfare. The result is usually the same, bitterness lifts resulting in exoneration and forgiveness. I have realized that we need to forgive others before we can learn to heal ourselves. The longer that we hold on to bitterness the longer we live in the hell that is produced by the trauma. It is true, that many of our experiences have defined our attitude about life but we should not let this define how we live life. When we take control of the evil that is trying to define our lives by finding the courage to face the perpetrator of evil, we become free from the bondage of fear. Choosing to be victorious is more powerful than choosing to be a victim.

Over the years people have tried to keep me subject to victimhood. Victim mentality runs strong in the modern world. It appears that we are being conditioned to stay stuck in the muck, as there is always someone waiting with their hands out to help you play back the trauma. It is one thing to play back the trauma that we have healed from, it is another to stay stuck in the trauma. Finding forgiveness is very hard for many people. How does one find forgiveness when they have been stripped of their childhood, sexually violated, or bullied into submission? We have all heard stories of abuse that would make us cringe, but again where is the justice? 

The story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard (a quick Google search for context, if you don't know the story) is very popular right now, as it appears to be an extreme case of justice or injustice (you pick). I don't think anyone would deny that she had an extremely terrible childhood at the hands of the person who was supposed to love and protect her the most. This story has shed light on something that very few people knew was happening, and had she not had her mother murdered, the abuse would have never been exposed. The question is whether or not Gypsy Rose was justified in her actions. Where were forgiveness and understanding?

There is a greater question, Where was God?

Another brother from another mother asked the question this week in regards to a terrible story of a young woman who was raped and held hostage at the hands of a gang of thugs. It is a question that gets asked a lot but rarely gets answered properly. I failed to give a proper answer this week and in weeks past, and the "I don't know" seems like a cop-out, especially from someone who claims to follow a loving God.

Evil needs to happen. We would never understand or know love if there was no evil in the world. People who have been the victims of evil, have two choices, stay stuck or be victorious. 

When we choose to stay stuck in trauma, it carries with it self-abuse, self-wallowing, self-blaming, self-destruction. When we are stuck we expect someone to fix our problems, we search for the hand-outs, we demand to be heard and understood, we desire justice, we want revenge. In extreme cases, we take matters into our own hands, which very rarely covers the deep-seated pain. In the case of Gypsy Rose, she now feels regret for her actions. 

When we choose to be victorious, it carries with it forgiveness, understanding, patience, kindness, love, and so on. We choose to help and not hinder. So many of us that have been victims of abuse find true victory in the belief in God, and the messengers of love. We chose to believe that God wanted us to learn to be better people and not repeat the pattern of hate. We pray that our perpetrators repent from evil and choose to do good. In extreme cases when we allow God to be present in our lives we see the justice of a loving creator. I've personally seen terrible, evil people who have stolen the innocence of a child, raped, pillaged, and/or murdered come to repentance. These evil people are no longer evil and try to make right the wrongs they perpetrated on others. They find their victims of the past and ask for forgiveness for the wrongs they did. A genuine change of heart can only happen with God, and victory is only achieved by love.  

Where is God? Simply put, God is where you are.

In Christian theology, Jesus says this;
If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot receive Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you do know Him, for He abides with you and will be in you.

God is in us, and the spirit resides in our heart.  Jesus or Satan is the choice. A choice to do evil has consequences that will always result in destroying the soul. The opposite is true when choosing good, resulting in the fruits of the spirit.

In love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

By the vessel, 
William John

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