Choosing Masculinity

This past week I was once again reminded of my toxic masculinity. It seems that I am not conscientious of other people's feelings, and have a lack of self-control when dealing with the matters of the tongue. I felt the urge to defend myself, but in the end, I had to accept responsibility for my actions and say "I'm Sorry".


After some reflection I realized that there is something else going on here, I am trying to be something that I am not. When reflecting on my given name William John, meaning a strong-willed warrior who is graced by God, I can't help in trying to be a vessel for truth. The truth, the way, and the life are something that everyone should aspire to be, and for me, it comes through the teachings of Jesus Christ. I am not personally concerned with how the truth is manifested and through which religious and/or denominational creed we accept as our own, as long as we are sharing in the love and unity poured out by the Master of the Universe. This being said, my biggest concern is that we are falling into the snares of the evil one, by way of being swayed by an ideology that appears as an "Angel of Light".


I have stated before and I will state it again, "Jesus Christ is my superhero". Jesus is my superhero because he was a strong-willed warrior who was graced by God. My ideas of Jesus are observed with disdain as some people have accredited him with being the all-mighty Creator himself, while others have reduced him to no more than an imagined construct or a really good guy. There are about as many ideas about Jesus as there are people in the world. Being a man myself, with more testosterone than estrogen, I am certain (at least in my mind) that masculine men will resonate with Jesus differently than women. Yes, I agree that Jesus is love, but let's not forget that he was a man trying to fight a system that infuriated him. Jesus got angry and did not go around exclusively hugging and healing people.


Jesus was a rabble-rouser, and he said and did things that go contrary to our modern way of thinking. He reprimanded people in an impolite way, by today's standard, when establishing boundaries and the truth. He used the strongest language available when responding to the authorities of his day. Furthermore, let's not forget that he flipped over tables and drove the money changers out of the temple with a scourge (whip). Jesus exposed the corruption and he knew that what he was doing would eventually get him hung. There was/is no tolerance for people who came/come against a system that gave/give certain groups control of individual sovereignty through outward temple worship and offerings.


There is something else that Jesus did, he created warriors. The men who chose to follow Jesus' teachings were willing to stand up to a system that only benefited a small fringe minority of men. The idea that only a chosen few men had the keys to the kingdom of God, made for complacency amongst the Jewish people. Jesus taught that the kingdom of God is within and helped men of his day find the strength to stand up to the controllers of individual sovereignty. These men were taught that they were not fighting for more land, gold, or resources for the king, they were fighting for their right to be their own king. No one is less than or more than in the kingdom that Jesus belonged to, we all have autonomy and sovereignty.


These days, the masculinity traits of a warrior have been removed to exist only in video games and the entertainment industry. Many men have been reduced to passive, obedient, lethargic servants to a system designed to have us reliant on its developers. Some men, whom I associated with for some time, are waiting for the magical return of Jesus Christ, which will take away all the suffering in the world, and slay the enemy once and for all. I was told that Jesus is coming soon, not to worry, and to be steadfast till this end time event took place. The end of what, I questioned? People around the world continue to look for leaders of countries and the presidents of corporations for answers, the modern-day Pharisees and Sadducees, as mother earth continues to mourn with our raping of her resources. 


It is the greed and gluttony that operate inside every man, woman, and child, that has us bound to destruction. What do I mean?


We want our cake and eat it too! We want to save the planet from impending doom, which is honorable. Unfortunately, we like our widgets, gadgets, and gizmos, and we have been convinced that science and technology will save humanity and bring us into the Brave New World or New Jerusalem (Zion). I don't see how science and technology will ever fix industry, as the industry built the science and technology. Consumption is the goal of the science and technology that drives the industry and keeps the average Joe or Jill feasting on the Beast due to the ongoing reliance on the system that the Beast controls. I am frustrated by this, and it shows up as anger sometimes. I have a desire to flip over tables in the modern temples, where we have placed our heart's desires, the modern daily sacrifice to stuff. I see sweatshops and child labour while strolling down the isles of our modern temples. I see oceans of plastic washing up on the shores of once-beautiful beaches. I see struggling families mining plastic in a ghetto slum of some third-world "have-not" country for a dangling carrot or loaf of bread.


Yet, I am not supposed to be angry! I am not supposed to say anything or mention my frustration. I need to be passive and stick my head in the sand. I am supposed to eat popcorn and watch the show. I'm supposed to go on a vacation, have fun in the sun, and drink or party any frustration away. I would love to have the vacation life, however I can't, because I am a strong-willed warrior that has been graced by God. Until the Beast is slain, I can not rest. 


So how do we slay the Beast? It starts with me first, I have to recognize that I can either stay stuck in the ongoing cycle of needs vs. wants to enhance my personal life or bring the truth, the way, and the life to the lowest denominator of society in a loving unselfish manner. I must put other people's needs before mine, once this is deep-rooted, God can then use me as a vessel. I'm slowly getting there.


When the early followers of Jesus concluded that Jesus' message was about doing life for the least of these, they sold all that they owned and gave to those that had need, as found in the book of Acts starting in chapter 2. At this time in history, thousands if not millions have realized that following God means sacrificing their own will for the will of others. As for the rest of society, as it is written in Revelation 22:15:


"Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood."


I must ask myself, "Am I practicing falsehood?". Am I being a vessel for truth, by remaining strong in my convictions? Am I bringing peace or a sword? Which one is stirring up war? 


I am trying to rouse the crowd to the truth. I just need to learn which crowds to rouse. I need to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, and know when to run, I can count my blessings when the dealings are done.  


Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, with some masculine traits of a warrior.

William John.

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