The Love Vessel

All you leave behind is a reputation…

I wanted to write this week about something different, but I guess it will wait another week, as the loss of a friend has impacted me greatly.

Death is a hard concept. The feelings of loss from those you care for can be excruciatingly difficult, especially when people die at 52 years young. In my mind such a tragedy. She accepted everyone as family, and everybody reciprocated by calling her Sis. I met her when she was only 15 through her bigger brother. She was a big presence in any room, had an infectious laugh, told you her opinions, was strong-willed, but the most loving person you ever met, and did I mention, funny. Oh, my goodness, she could make you laugh. 

The funeral this week was so beautiful, sad, but beautiful. I went with my 20-year-old daughter, who wanted to support her dad and honor a lady who touched our family.  We found some seats, and as I looked around the packed auditorium, I started reminiscing which led me to tears. My daughter said, “Dad, the service hasn’t even started yet”. I replied, “I told you this was going to be a hard one for me.” I love this family, more than words can express. All of them! They are honestly what living a wholesome God-centered life is all about, sharing LOVE!

Sis’s mom, Joan, was a surrogate mom to every kid who entered her kitchen. No, she didn’t birth us from her womb, something more important, she taught us how to be born again with a renewed understanding of love. She listened, and gave hugs if needed, as she pushed another BBQ meatball in front of us. Joan was never too shy to tell us about the love she found in Jesus. Joan didn’t just talk about Jesus, she lived it, and so did Sis. Sis was sewn from the same cloth, loving, caring, hospitable, a love vessel, and did I mention funny. 

Forgiving was something that I did not think Sis had anything to concern herself with, apparently, she did. As I talked with old friends and got perspective of how Sis’s last days were spent, she was still giving wholesome Godly advice, but from what I understand, she asked for forgiveness from anyone she felt she had wronged over the years. This would not have been easy, because she had over 700 sign-in visitors over  10 days, confirmed and true.

"Yes, there were over 700 hundred sign-in visitations. Some were people coming back and forth, but there was a very steady flow of new faces during her 10 days in Hospice. Some days there were lines out into the hallway with others waiting in the lobby. It was pretty remarkable." Rog (Sis's brother)

Remarkable, indeed! Put that into perspective, 700 people went to see her on her deathbed, approximately 70 people a day.  Seven times seventy times, I think she put it to the test. She was a woman that will not soon be forgotten, she was a remarkable God-centered vessel, carrying love. 

“Forgive, because you just don’t know when this life will end” 
read by Sis’s two sons in a joint effort eulogy.

It is important to live a life free from the guilt of wronging someone, to have remorse for perceived wrongdoing is an honorable trait. Recognizing your own faults as you look in the mirror. Asking for forgiveness will set us free from the judgment of perceived wrongdoing and open the opportunity to grow in love. It also reveals where your heart is, we all make mistakes, as no one is perfect, and intentions are the keys to the heart. Many people who hate will have intentions to get even, manipulate, accuse, and hurt, as the saying goes “Hurt people hurt people”. Cliché’, maybe? But it has been my experience that people possessed by hate, stuck from past wrongdoing, project feelings of anger when something does not fit their mindset. The opposite is true when asking for forgiveness from a softened heart based on love. Honestly, if someone as beautiful as Sis can humble herself, and ask for forgiveness, let that be a lesson for us all. I’m not suggesting that she is perfect, but from most onlookers and people in her life, she had nothing to be sorry for, a true gem. She was the walking testament of living life honoring the God she served, not by words, but by action.

Something else I took from Sis’s living testimony of living a harmonious life, leading by example. She was married for over 30 years, and her mom was married for over 50. I remember years ago sitting at the kitchen table with Momma Joan, and she was gazing at her husband Roger (as she always did) and she said something that pierced my heart fiercely, “Isn’t he dreamy! You know, out of all the women that Roger could have, he picked me!”. She adored her husband, not because he was perfect, but because he picked her. She always gazed at him with awe. Most men desire to be adored by their wives in this manner. Men will slay dragons and move mountains for this kind of love and affection, Roger reciprocated because men love to be wanted and adored. The same was true for Sis’, she adored and honored her husband, and her husband reciprocated.

In a world full of fake social profiling; me, myself, and I attitude; 20-second dopamine hits; and next failed relationship of promise; my example was found in this family. They have always been a beacon of hope for healthy romantic and neighborly relationships. They did their best to mimic the life of Jesus. Was it easy, no! But, sticking together and fighting battles as a family was key to their existence, to be loving.

As my daughter and I traveled home, I wondered how she took everything in. She never knew Sis’s family as I did, but I don’t think you could sit through the service and not be moved by love. My daughter lives in a time of great deception and delusional reasoning. She lives in a time of fake profiles; me, myself, and I attitude; 20-second dopamine hits; the next failed relationship promises; and “don’t put up with their shit” rhetoric. Where will she turn, for God-centered examples?

I have not been a good example to my children, but I realize it takes two to formulate a God-centered family. It is easy to have kids, but not so easy to create a deep soul connection with a partner without the proper formula. Joan and Sis took a few pages from the good book by loving their husbands with a God-centered approach, starting in the heart. I never heard them complain about their spouse, and when problems did arise, Joan would give the best advice, “Go love on each other”, and in Joan’s world this meant “Tonsil Hockey”. Nothing was so serious that you couldn’t work it out…and that is the best advice anyone could give.

To my extended family, thank you for being an example of God-centered wholesome vessels by carrying love in your hearts. After everything,  our loss is not a tragedy but a blessing and a lesson to so many seekers of love.    

​By the vessel,
William John

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