Heavenly Gifts

To my readers, thank you for spending time with me. This week is a bit different, as you will read, it is personal, but felt the need to share. There are some of us who go through the spiritual chaotic madness, remember you are not alone. We are in this together, and the learning we take from each experience can make or break us. The enemy (the hate in our hearts) wants to destroy our spirit, and the controllers of the chaos seek to destroy unity. There is only one way to fight the enemy, and this is love. I choose to mimic the love taught by Jesus and write from this lens. If you struggle to love, there is help. Reaching out is as easy as asking, but the requirement to change comes from within.

To the anchor of life,

I groan and I spit, I can’t take any more of this shit.

Ok… there I said it.

Shock value! Sure… But what is the purpose, day after day, following invisible thoughts, which make me insane? I’m fine… no I’m not… the back-and-forth cycle, the chaotic drain of pain. Building pleasures that get stripped away, from the expectations of the desires we play in our brain. Living life, chaotic drain… sometimes… then something happens? A reminder that the words of the Bible are true, following ungodly desires of lust makes us blue. So, we get up, dust our feet, and try to forget about the lusts of the flesh, the pleasure of sex, and the things that we desire to live our best. It is hard I know but it needs to happen, or so we’ve been told.

But wait, confusion…there is more…

The Bible, and those scriptures of old, say that God will give us the desires of our heart if we pray and are bold. Bold for what? a question remaining from the fragmented life that I am obtaining. Life is a trip, such a crazy and chaotic blip… in time.
 
I lost a dear friend this week, she was 52-years-young. Cancer beat her up pretty badly, till she took her last breath this week, it settles in my mind sadly. She battled, she fought, the treatments exhausted her, and she lost. She loved God with all her heart and prayed for healing. She trusted and believed the treatments would work. She listened to doctors who said they could help, exterminate those cells in her body that made her feel worse. She was too young, she raised a family, with children, grandchildren, and a husband so grandly. What is the purpose, for me it’s said sadly, because love hurts, a song we’ve heard many times before, after tragedy. She is so loved; the feeling is mutual from all who will be at her funeral.

I lost another friend only a few weeks before the 52-year-young who succumbed to death's door. This time was much different, she is still alive, but we stay apart because of our pride. When we were friends, we groaned and we spit, we decided we couldn’t take any more shit. Expectations ruled our heartfelt desires because we learned from the scriptures God would never leave or forsake us, and wouldn't retire. God loves us, or so it is written, he gives us desires through the prayers which are lifted, to follow love instead of hate. But we hated, how we acted, from the chaotic fighting, word-slinging, and unfulfilled expectations. Another… I’m sorry… but nothing is changing…so we decided to part…

Who am I fooling…loving hurts… honesty pooling… 

I can keep writing about the things that don’t matter, fluff and stuff, and things that aren’t tough. But the pain of losing someone is real, whether we know them a lifetime or only a moment in time. A heart connection is not easily severed, memories keep us thinking about them forever. I long for the day to see loved ones in heaven, is this a mindless thought, as we are never sure where our loved ones go, it could be pretend you know. As the scriptures in the Bible say, the kingdom of heaven is inside, so… more confusion, what does it mean, the rhetoric of heaven, and the pain of losing the dream, We want to believe we go to a better place, but the scriptures say, heaven on earth, so we stay in the race.

In conclusion, I’ll say this…

To my extended family, my 52-year-young friend, she was so beautiful, loving, and kind, her love for God did not go blind. She will sit in our memories for this lifetime, it's certain, and beyond this, we only have hope that she’s behind the curtain, because we loved, cherished, honored, and missed her. So sad we lost her so young, but there is joy in the hope of being together again, having fun. If we don’t ever see her in a heavenly place in the future, know this, our heart is where heaven on earth dwells, and we marvel and give thanks for Gods heavenly gifts.

To my friends who I lost who are still alive, I’m sorry I was stubborn and stayed in my pride. I believe those old scriptures the ones that say we’ve been told. You know, how to live with the promise of life filled with gold. How to love each other sincerely, without judgment, accusations, intentions of harming, or blasting each other into submission from misguided expectations? Life is short, can’t you see, fighting is stupid, don’t you agree? God is love, and it lives within, forget and forgive the pain of the sin that drives us insane. “But I tried”, you keep mocking. Let it go, it's not worth all the talking. Help is on the way, maybe it’s time that eases the pain. Sincerely I pray, I’m sorry, I don’t live up to the things I say. I'm human, a man who falls short every day.

​If I never see the friends still alive, know this, I continue to marvel at Gods heavenly gifts, the moments of time given to us. We loved and hated and unfortunately debated. I’ll choose to love, even when apart, no matter how heavy the blow to the heart.  

As we go through our weeks, let us remind ourselves, that life is short, so enjoy the heavenly gifts carried by the fruits of love in us. Can I encourage us to manifest the fruits of love? The blessings of being loved and cherished when we depart, leaving heavenly gifts for the next generation should dwell in our hearts.

Life, to be continued…

With Love, by the Vessel,
William John  

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